Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
How naked do you want me to be?
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