I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
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