Cold hands, warm shart.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
