I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
