We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Randomize
