omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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