I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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