I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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