Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
