Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
