I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I am never drinking with the goths again.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
