Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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