He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
