Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You were trust falling into bushes
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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