Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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