yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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