i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
