watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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