Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
