didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I think my moral compass just broke
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
