this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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