i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
