Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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