You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
