it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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