just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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