My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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