I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
