Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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