I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
