I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
