dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
