I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Just high enough for therapy.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
