I will die if light touches me.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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