can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
