youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
