problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
