Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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