im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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