I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
