its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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