You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
