Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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