her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
