im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
