Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
