You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
it's not cheating when I paid for it
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
