please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
