We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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