Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
