I think I died a long time ago.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
